“It is necessary and even vital to set standards and be intentional with your life, time and the people you allow in it.”

- adapted from Mandy Hale

Hello, amazing corporate women! If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck, lost, and empty, you are not alone. The constant grind and relentless demands of corporate life can leave even the most resilient among us feeling drained and in desperate need of time for ourselves. Everywhere in publications, magazines, social media and self-help books authors preach about the importance of setting boundaries for our sanity. And still, most people I speak to find it utterly difficult to implement boundaries to shelter themselves from...other people or other people's demands.

Let's take a closer look and explore why setting boundaries can be so challenging and make us feel uncomfortable and why creating space through self-agency can lead to better self-organization, peace and happiness, and work-life balance.

Let's just take a look at why we find setting boundaries so difficult:

Setting boundaries is often heralded as the key to achieving work-life balance, yet most of us struggle with it. And here’s why:

1. Fear of exclusion:

   the word "boundaries" says it. It implies that we are building barriers, creating a sense of exclusion both for ourselves and others. We worry about being seen as uncooperative or disengaged, which then increases feelings of uncomfortable, guilt and isolation.

2. Discomfort with saying no:

   Many of us are conditioned to be people-pleasers. Saying no makes us feel uneasy and can be perceived as a sign of weakness or lack of dedication. This discomfort often results in overcommitting and stretching ourselves too thin.

3. Pressure to perform:

   In the corporate world, there is immense pressure to perform and prove our worth. This can make it difficult to set boundaries, as we fear it may be seen as a lack of ambition or commitment.

4. Ambiguity and miscommunication:

   Boundaries can be vague and difficult to communicate effectively. Without clear guidelines, it’s easy for others to overstep, leading to frustration and stress.

5. Learning to say "NO":

   While saying "no" undisputable is a power word, it doesn't come naturally to us and can seem rude and strict.

The problem with boundaries:

While boundaries are essential for our rest and recovery and for showing up at our best, they imply exclusion and create more discomfort for ourselves. They often feel rigid, limiting and restrictive and making it challenging to maintain them consistently, especially when we first notice that we require time for ourselves. And the more we focus on the need for more time for ourselves, we seem to attract distraction and interruptions like flies.

Why? Because we as women are still conditioned to act and behave as the "good girl". We have not learned yet to see ourselves as important as anyone else around us. Our intrinsic need to please hinders us to make decisions for ourselves and therefore we seem forever to wait until someone else gives us permission to take time for ourselves. We wait until there is a gap in our diary to "carve" out some time for us. But we are never intentional with ourselves.

Experience of space through Self-Agency:

On the contrary to boundaries, the "space" I am referring to is not so much the physical or timed and structured space (although definitely important) but the personal space as wide as our arms allow. Taking up space instead of diminishing ourselves physically but most of all mentally by expanding our awareness and attention. Creating the experience of space that allows us to see clearly and feel openly without having to hide.

We fill ourselves with things, food, words, images, to-do lists, busyness, accomplishments, possessions. And we accumulate more and more stuff and we define ourselves by what we do and what we have but not by who we are. We don't even pause and appreciate the space that is available to us. But we see space as a void and absence that needs filling.

And then again, without space there won't be a universe or a galaxy. Just saying.

The experience of space I am referring to is letting go of the constant need to fill ourselves with stuff, activities and most of all noise and unnecessary drama. Creating space for yourself is allowing yourself to let go of whatever it is that seems restrictive and diminishing. It is an invitation to feel spacious, full of possibilities and creativity.

Self-agency is the container that allows you to take ownership of yourself, and your space and allows you to fill your well. Self-Agency means you are intentional with being yourself and not controlling your emotions but moving through them and learning to choose your state.

When you realise that you are not a corporate workhorse or a machine providing to others and when you become aware that you are indeed an individual special human being requiring care and nurturing just as you would allow anyone else, you will allow yourself space. Creating space for yourself becomes natural when you realise the importance of being you and not only attach yourself to being dutiful and a giver.  

In the meantime, here are some practical tips on how to create more breathing space and time for yourself for rest, recovery and rejuvenation.

• Get comfortable with not having to fill any void or empty space.

But if you must…

• Establish a flexible structure in your schedule:

  Create a daily (start with 30min) or weekly (1-2 hours), monthly (a day), quarterly (a weekend) structure that includes dedicated time for yourself. Whatever fills your well and nurtures you. Going for a walk, mindfulness, art, music, reading, yoga, journaling, or simply staring out the window with a cup of tea in your hand.

 Treat these activities with the same importance as any work meeting or deadline and as non- negotiable. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission.

• Communicate clearly:

 Instead of setting rigid boundaries, communicate your need for space clearly, make the people around you aware that you feel drained and need time to recharge. Let your colleagues and loved ones know why this space is important and how it will help you be more effective and present. After all, they are not mind readers.

A "No" seems hard to say but a "not right now" comes easier over our lips. And remember that some people around us are so used to offload or take up your time because they are used to it and have become lazy

And the more we practice saying "not right now" we may even notice that whatever it was that seemed so urgent in the moment may be totally irrelevant later.

• Be Flexible:

  Creating space is not about strict schedules but about flexibility. Allow yourself to adapt and adjust as needed. Life is unpredictable, and a flexible approach helps you stay balanced without feeling restricted.

Benefits of Creating structure for space:

Creating structure for yourself is a great introductory and a powerful way to start simplifying your life and to take ownership of yourself. It will allow you to connect with yourself on a deeper level and build a relationship with yourself that leads to self-agency, you didn't even know was possible.

Embracing self-agency allows you to thrive, not just survive. Self-agency is coming home, "blooming and watching in wonder as the world responds to your new song".

If you’re curious and interested to learn more about how the gift of "Simplify" can nurture your life and how you can tap into the amazing power that "Self-Agency" offers and become an agent that creates a ripple effect for change in your working world and personal life, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can design a personalized plan that helps you achieve the work-life balance you deserve.

To find out more and how you can work with me check out susannekubik.com.