“ Balance doesn’t happen by accident, WE have to create it.” - Susanne Kubik

Cultivating balance by developing a relationship with yourself and simplifying aspects of our daily life.  

In our fast-paced, hectic and demanding work and home environments, it has become the norm to be stuck in the whirlwind of tasks, deadlines, and expectations, our expectations and those of others.  However, amidst the chaos and however foreign the idea of prioritizing ourselves and our well-being is, it is essential.

We have been ignoring ourselves, our real selves, for way too long.

Especially now that more and more women experiencing overwhelm, stress and burnout and a balanced life seems like a fairy tale. Women are tired of carrying the load alone, feeling trapped and dying to escape and seriously considering walking away from their careers and leaving it all behind – if they could financially and if they haven’t already done so.

Being ambitious, leadership pressure being seen and priding ourselves as the “Do-er” and being “driven” clearly isn’t working for women today anymore.

And still in conversation everywhere I notice that most working women still pride themselves as being “busy”. Still carrying the busy-batch like a batch of honour. As if it gives us a sense of belonging to a tribe that we wouldn’t otherwise. As if we would crumble and would be seen as worthless if we stop for a split second and make ourselves a priority.

Why is that? Because we don’t know any different. We have never learned any different other than “work hard and then you will enjoy the fruit of your labour and feel good about yourself”, “achieve more to BE more”. Some of us may wonder when the feel-good factor will kick in, the rest will not even wonder, completely oblivious that there is another way.

Balance doesn’t happen by accident, WE have to create it.

It isn’t really a fault of our own because we have never learned how to notice and choose our thoughts and feelings and what it actually means to have a relationship with yourself. It isn’t that this is a topic discussed in families or taught in school. Although in my opinion it should be on top of the curriculum.

In conversations I often hear, “yeah, yeah, I am good with that relationship thing with myself …” and I hear women continuously seeking fulfilment, aiming for more and higher, rattling on about their achievements, that they have the property, the car, the money and most importantly the job title! Followed by expressing that they know exactly what they want and like and what they don’t want and don’t like. If they only had more time! If only they had the perfect partner! If only they had less stress at work, a better boss or more money!

Having a relationship with yourself is self-awareness, noticing the thoughts that create our feelings. It is self-acceptance, knowing you are worthy and you belong regardless where Home is. It is knowing that you are significant in your life and work without the need for outside validation.

Knowing you are ok even without other’s approval. Discovering a relationship with yourself means you are choosing to be kind to yourself especially when your inner negative voice is noisy criticising you.

While discovering the relationship with ourselves undoubtedly is the foundation that touches literally all aspect of our lives, not only our working lives, it does require some time and guidance to raise our awareness and change the believes and what we think and the way we see ourselves.

When we change the story and believes we keep telling ourselves and start not only liking ourselves but being really proud of who we are instead of only being proud of what we have achieved we will feel deserving for our onwards journey.

If you are keen to learn more check out more information under susannekubik.com or a fabulous read from Elizabeth Helen Ivory – “it’s NOT your fault!”.

In the meantime however, let’s look at some practical observations that can help establish the importance of BEING YOU which helps creating more balance:  

By simplifying aspects of our work day and cultivating mindfulness, we create meaning and moving away from the constant reactivity to outside demands, the noise and drama that doesn’t support us. Simplifying creates space and allows us to observe, to breathe and to focus and create what is really important to us.

Noticing

Instead of just focussing purely on the negative feelings, like feeling drained, exhausted and stressed and therefore allowing negative thoughts to spiral (Remember, what we focus on expands!) it helps to find out which thoughts exactly make us feel drained and exhausted and that way so we can do something about it. Allow yourself to notice the feeling you are experiencing, what it is that you need and what you need to let go of. 

What you are FEELING is your THINKING

Priorities

Make yourself your first priority of the day, followed by everything else. By making yourself your first priority of the day you are getting really intentional about how you want the day to unfold. You will feel less frazzled and more focussed and patient instead of being constantly reactive to other people’s influences. More on how you can make yourself a priority

Embrace Simplification

Streamline your work processes, delegate and eliminate unnecessary complexities. (schedule focus intense projects in the morning when your mind is fresh and clear and routine activities in the afternoon when we are already more tired and fight mental fog. Identify tasks that can be automated or simplified using technology or efficient strategies (like time blocking or structuring your week) You don’t have to take on every single project just because you are good at it. You don’t have to say YES to every suggestion that comes your way.

Establishing time blocks and Boundaries

And it is also other people’s influences that divert and distract us from our plans, goals and what it is that we want to achieve. Whether that is at work or your family. Therefore, time management and setting boundaries is crucial when you have a busy work day. Allocate specific time blocks for different tasks and activities, and most importantly, include breaks and personal time! Communicate your availability to colleagues and family members allowing for uninterrupted periods to concentrate on important projects. With setting boundaries, you are not pushing people away. On the contrary, you are allowing yourself to be really present when working and also be really present with your family and friends at the times that work for you instead of feeling pulled in all directions all the time.

Delegate and Collaborate

Recognize that you can't and don’t have to do everything on your own. Delegate tasks that can be handled by others, allowing you to focus on more critical responsibilities. Collaborate with your colleagues and share the workload to ensure efficiency and prevent burnout. Ask for help and remember, teamwork and open conversations fosters a supportive work environment.

Practice Self-Care Activities

Prioritize self-care as an integral part of your day and your worthy self. Take short breaks to stretch, walk, or engage in deep breathing exercises. Practice mindfulness or meditation techniques to calm your mind and increase focus. Stay hydrated, eat nutritious meals, and get enough sleep to maintain your physical and mental well-being. Remember, caring for yourself enhances your productivity and overall happiness.

Learn to Say No

Sometimes, taking on additional tasks or responsibilities can overload your schedule and compromise your well-being. Practice to say No. It will be liberating. Politely declining requests that don't align with your priorities or capacity. Recognize your limits and respect your boundaries to avoid spreading yourself too thin. “I am at full capacity right now, can I come back to you on this later”.

Cultivate Mindfulness and Awareness

Developing mindfulness and self-awareness can significantly transform your workday. Take a moment to pause and check in with yourself regularly. (again, use time blocks in your diary as reminders) Notice your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without judgment. This practice allows you to respond to challenges with clarity and focus, rather than reacting impulsively. Incorporate short mindfulness exercises, such as mindful breathing or body scans, to bring a sense of calm and presence into your day.

Prioritizing yourself on a busy work day is crucial for maintaining balance, reducing stress, and enhancing productivity and progress without the pressure and hustle. By implementing practical tips like setting clear goals, delegating tasks, establishing boundaries, embracing simplification, practicing self-care activities, learning to say no, and cultivating mindfulness, you can shift from reactivity to awareness. Remember, a healthy work-life balance is not only beneficial for your well-being but also for your overall professional success and joy at work. Take charge of your day, prioritize yourself, and enjoy the rewards of a more balanced and fulfilling work life.

When I started with Transcendental Meditation I blocked out 20minutes in my diary each day at 2:30pm. Left my desk to find a quiet and comfortable spot, took my shoes off and sat cross legged quietly repeating a mantra. At first I felt awkward, then one or two colleagues gave me some surprised looks, I missed a meeting every now and then. And no, I did not get in trouble, I was not made redundant but in-fact I felt more refreshed, energised and clear headed and productive for the rest of the working day and into the evening, when most of my colleagues collapsed on the couch. So don’t wait for permission from someone else, give yourself permission to make yourself a priority.