Have you outgrown your story, ready to create a new one?
We’re all living by stories - some we’ve written ourselves, many handed down to us before we even knew we were holding the pen. They’ve guided us, shaped us, even kept us safe. But here’s the thing: not all of them are meant to stick around forever.
Some stories are like that pair of jeans you loved in your twenties - they fit perfectly once, but now? In your 40+ you have outgrown them. You can’t breathe when you sit down.
Yep, that kind of story.
The stories we tell ourselves about who we are, how life works, and what’s expected of us create the foundation we build everything else on - our thoughts, our feelings, our self-image and how we show up for ourselves - or not.
And that foundation shapes our decisions, our actions, and ultimately the outcomes we experience. If those outcomes aren’t the ones we want, it’s time to trace the thread back to the story running the show.
When stories become an outdated operating system
Think of your stories as your personal operating system. They’ve been installed since childhood -through your upbringing, the education system, your early career. They helped you fit in to navigate the world, kept you safe, and gave you structure.
But just like outdated software, these old stories start glitching. You notice it when you feel lost, stuck, empty, or lonely. When life feels like one long hamster wheel. When you look at your job and realize it doesn’t make your heart sing anymore.
That nagging sense of being “behind in life”? Thinking everyone else has their life sorted, but you? That’s a system error too.
And what do we really crave at that point? To feel alive again. To wake up with purpose. To have energy and joy back in our days. To finally feel ourselves again - not the version shaped by everyone else’s expectations. That’s the sign your background story needs an update.
A corporate story: climbing for approval
Take Sarah (we’ll call her that). She works in a corporate office in the city and has always believed the story: “If I work harder than everyone else, then I’ll be noticed and rewarded.” So she’s the first one in, last one out, still replying to emails pinging at 9pm. She’s proud of being the reliable one - the one her boss can always count on. She things she has to be that kind of employee. Busy and striving to be seen and to be acknowledged. 'Ambitious' is her purpose.
But here’s the rub: years later, she’s still waiting for the recognition she thought would naturally come. Instead, she feels like a hamster in a wheel, drained, invisible, and resentful. Her story once gave her purpose and direction, but now it’s stealing her energy. She’s outgrown it.
A personal story: The single adventurer
Then there’s Julie. She's single, independent, and loves to travel and endless shopping sprees. Her story? “I’ll only be truly happy when I find ‘the one’ - then everything will click into place.”
That story kept her searching, hoping yet burying the feeling of 'unlovable' under piles of important work projects. After years of disappointment, she started to notice something: in clinging to her story, she wasn’t honouring herself or fully living her present life. She was postponing joy until some mythical future partner arrived. The story had stopped serving her - it was time to create a new one, one where her happiness isn’t on the reserve plan or purley attached to the importance of career success or finding a life partner.
The roles our stories put us in
Our stories don’t just stay in our heads; they play out in the roles we take on:
The Good Girl: reliable, agreeable, the one who never says no. She strives to be liked, but loses herself in the process.
The Overachiever: glued to the desk, wearing busyness like a badge of honour. She seeks significance through exhaustion.
The Fixer: constantly smoothing conflicts, making peace, believing “If everyone’s okay, then I’m okay.”
The Lone Wolf: avoids asking for help, believing “I have to figure this out on my own.” Independence becomes isolation.
The Prover: endlessly chasing the next certificate, title, or promotion. Her worth is always just one more achievement away.
The Invisible: keeps her head down, follows the rules, does everything “right,” hoping one day she’ll finally be seen. But she often feels overlooked, undervalued, and quietly forgotten - even by herself
These stories may have once been survival strategies. They helped us fit in, succeed, or avoid rejection. But when they become outdated, they start running the show without us even noticing.
It's taken me years to realise that was due for an upgrade on the stories running in the background. And I still continue to review and upgrade the stories coming up.
But on the outset, feeling rather ordinary and invisible, I didn't think much of myself - until I realised that ... something was always missing.
And that's the common story:
something is always missing.
No matter how hard you try...
... and that is exhausting and draining your moods, right?
So, what now?
If you’ve outgrown your story, the first step is noticing it. That’s it. Shine a light on the script you’ve been reciting. Ask yourself:
Is this story still true for me?
Is it helping me move forward, or keeping me stuck?
What new story would serve me better now?
Because here’s the truth: your story isn’t set in stone. It’s a draft. You get to pick up the pen. And when you do, you’re not erasing your past - you’re honouring it for getting you this far, while creating something fresh, relevant, and aligned with who you really are.
So, have you outgrown your story? And if so, are you ready to write the next chapter - the one where you finally lead yourself?
Journal prompts to start updating your story
Grab a notebook and see what comes up:
What story do I keep telling myself about who I am or how life works?
Where does this story show up most clearly in my day-to-day life?
Does this story still support the person I want to be, or is it holding me back?
If I could write a new chapter today, what would I want it to sound like?
What feelings do I most want my new story to bring into my life (peace, joy, freedom, belonging…)?
Want a coach & mentor who knows how to rewrite your story to truly leading yourself without erasing everything? Follow the reflective questions and a book a call here .
Susanne Kubik - The Self-Leadership Effect
Hi, I'm Susanne. For most of my career I've worked in high pressured environments in Consultancy and Investment Banking where I perfectly adapted to the corporate soldier mentality, simply because I felt I needed to fit in, feeling otherwise invisible, insignificant and compared myself notoriously. For years I was enduring my corporate existence or forever planned my exit strategy, carrying the burden of needing to be seen as "professional", hiding behind the mask seemed more important than being seen as human. However, I learned that there is another way .... Finding my true self instead of chasing outward success has been the game changer that affected all areas in my life positively.
Nowadays I am mentoring others keen to find their own compass to replace feeling lost and stuck, lonely and behind in life, for inner knowing and find their brilliance beyond duty, roles and job titles to live a life with intention and do cool things,
For more information and updates follow me here:
https://susannekubik.com/newsletter108706
Start here: previous blog posts you might like to read
https://susannekubik.com/blog/b/Untangle-Is-this-it
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